The Norther Neko

Durham County Council defends its gritting procedure after drivers stuck in traffic gridlock

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:30:19 -0500

Durham County Council defends its gritting procedure after drivers stuck in traffic gridlock:

Gridlock? More like gritlock! Am I right folks? #jokes #jokes #jokes #jokes

Taoist monk could face jail for home cannabis farm

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 07:30:28 -0500

Taoist monk could face jail for home cannabis farm:

Six schoolchildren taken to hospital after cookery lesson brownies spiked with cannabis

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 07:30:20 -0500

Six schoolchildren taken to hospital after cookery lesson brownies spiked with cannabis:

These 14-year-olds have learned their lesson, are no longer being bullied into drug trafficking by go-kart-riding Taoist monks, and are headed for greatness. The future is bright for the North East.

Go-kart racer 'forced' to grow cannabis is spared prison sentence

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 07:30:36 -0500

Go-kart racer 'forced' to grow cannabis is spared prison sentence:

Forced to grow cannabis in his sister’s shed by a gang of toughs. A gang no doubt led by a Taoist monk.

Burglar gets shock when tackled by naked man

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 21:19:33 -0500

Burglar gets shock when tackled by naked man:

An electric shock? Sadly no details on any eels involved in the melee.

Billingham Satanist jailed for using alias

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 20:23:40 -0500

Billingham Satanist jailed for using alias:

Garry, this use of an alias is the worst thing you’ve done since all those Satanic child molestation bloopers.

Baby snatch accused is charged over rape of boy

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 07:30:19 -0500

Baby snatch accused is charged over rape of boy:

We don’t quite understand this headline, but it does not sound like good news.

Man on his way to completing challenge to lick every Anglican cathedral in UK

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 07:30:43 -0500

Man on his way to completing challenge to lick every Anglican cathedral in UK:

Autumn certainly is the season for pointless accomplishments.

Welly wanging world record tumbles

Sun, 11 Nov 2012 07:30:54 -0500

Welly wanging world record tumbles:

Man smashes pickled egg eating record

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 07:31:00 -0500

Man smashes pickled egg eating record:

Last year fitness instructor Kevin Hayes smashed the egg pickling record. Next year he plans to smash the egg smashing record. He will then take all his egg-related records, pickle them and eat them with a side of eggs.

Article contains video!

Two unarmed female police officers shot dead in Manchester manhunt

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 07:30:23 -0500

Two unarmed female police officers shot dead in Manchester manhunt:

Did nobody read the rules of Manchester Manhunt? Manchester Womanhunt was next week. Geez louise, you guys.

York Potash mine "not unsafe," says Mines Inspectorate

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 07:30:41 -0500

York Potash mine "not unsafe," says Mines Inspectorate:

“It could definitely be less safe. Although we’re not saying it’s safe, either. Don’t blame us if you get ten tons of polyhalite dropped on your head. Safe, unsafe, not unsafe, these are all relative terms in the grand scheme of things. Here at the Mines Inspectorate we’re all about self-regulation and self-actualization.”

Man punched unconscious after chatting to fancy-dress "schoolgirl" in Consett

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 07:30:24 -0500

Man punched unconscious after chatting to fancy-dress "schoolgirl" in Consett:

This story would be so much better if it were she who punched him out, instead of two of her thuggish minions.

Drug dealer stopped on A19 for speeding branded 'idiot'

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 07:30:34 -0500

Drug dealer stopped on A19 for speeding branded 'idiot':

Judge Simon Bourne-Arton said he was showing mercy because they had stayed out of trouble since their arrests a year ago.

“You have all got convictions, but you are not hardened drug dealers. Hardened drug dealers would not behave the way you did.

“Only a complete idiot with a stash full of Class C in the boot goes up the A19 at 90mph, attracting the attention of the police.”

Respectable dog walker captured on CCTV ripping up railway's flowerbeds

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 07:30:33 -0500

Respectable dog walker captured on CCTV ripping up railway's flowerbeds:

Naturally your first suspect is the perpetrator of the pseudonymous bomb threats against the North York Moors Railway. But this latest outrage was committed against the Wensleydale Railway.

Motorist forced way through traffic jam - because his KFC was getting cold

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 06:30:31 -0500

Motorist forced way through traffic jam - because his KFC was getting cold:

It’s easy to blame KFC for this, and they deserve most of the blame, but in these situations we need to dig deeper toward the root causes.

Trainee soldier takes first in rogue cheese-roll race

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 14:39:16 -0400

Trainee soldier takes first in rogue cheese-roll race:

The cheeses have gone rogue! They’re rolling out of control!

Chris Anderson, do you remember your rifle training? Time to turn these wheels of Double Gloucester into cubes of Emmental.

Police reward boy for tracking down 90 bears

Sat, 27 Oct 2012 07:30:00 -0400

Police reward boy for tracking down 90 bears:

PC Kay Howarth said: “Cameron made four separate trips to Durham with his mother until he found all 90 bears. The most difficult one to find was the Crushed Chilli Gallery, but he got there in the end.

Hay bales spill causes blockage

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 07:30:42 -0400

Hay bales spill causes blockage:

There were no survivors.

"Brave burglar" judge absent from court

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 07:30:42 -0400

"Brave burglar" judge absent from court:

“I’ve decided to start a new life as a burglar. What heroes those men are. You might see me on the rooftops of Stockton, or shinnying down a drainpipe in Chester-le-Street, or employing a gaggle of urchins to collect gentlemen’s handkerchiefs, but never again in these stultifying chambers,” he wrote in a longhand resignation letter, before disappearing with only a duffel bag and a stocking cap.